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Missy Female
Hello, I'm nadiah.

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Tuesday, August 29, 2006

i'm so sick. im just so sick of everything. that damn song dancing in the
moonlight is playing outside so loudly and its sound so happy while im
here feeling so sad and all. fuck damn it. i guess everything's just...
different now. just everything. and the whole world just falls on you
and what can you do about it. i guess i need you, but you don't need
me anymore. well then, farewell good friend. cause i don't know you
anymore. and each time we say hello it feels like goodbye. each time
we talk there's the awkwardness of silence. i'm tired of trying.

i guess everyone has their own problems, and the whole world doesn't
just revolve around me. but fuck, no one knows just how difficult it is.
when you fake just everything, your smile, your laughs, your happiness,
you just fake everything and pretend to everyone else that you're fine,
that everything's fine. you know what i'm going through, but you don't
really understand how it is for me. i'm just tired. so tired. fuck, i'm sorry. i
dunno what i'm saying, i'm just not in the right mood. damnit.

i'm not perfect you know? if all you want is for me to be perfect, then
fuck, why don't you just kill me. someday, i'll thank you for making my
life as shitty and miserable as it can possibly get, cause it made me
stronger and i'll think back and be satisfied with what i can overcome.
but right now, i'm just barely hanging on. and its just a few more steps
till i fall off that cliff.

but with you, you make everything seem just fine.

you know what, i'm still thinking about the hockey tournament and what could've been. i know, i know, i'm not supposed to dwell on it. but sometimes, i just can't help it. all our effort, our sweat, our tears, our bond, just everything. and i guess it just wasn't meant to be. but what was it that went wrong? why didn't we deserve it? oh wells. it just wasn't meant to be.


(5:50 AM)